We started “a thing” five years ago and have yet to end it.
When I met him, he was 45 and charmingly grumpy, and he would always tell me: “Sex is so perfect. ” I’d go over to his apartment for a couple hours in the afternoons, we’d have sex (soberly, which meant I could actually cum), and then afterward we’d drink tea and complain about stuff. There were times when we saw each other frequently, and other times when things dropped off for a while, usually because one of us had a partner. It felt like we had entered this secretive bubble of transparency—we were emotionally intimate, yet free of the burden of jealousy and ownership.
If you’re thinking about entering a FWB relationship, it’s also important to keep in mind that your connection isn’t a monogamous one.
In fact, either of you is free to date more people, have other FWB relationships and/or play the field as much as you’d like. In order for a FWB relationship to work out, it has to fulfill your needs as well as his or hers.
This person isn’t your boyfriend or girlfriend, and this can have both its advantages as well as disadvantages depending upon your current wants and needs.
In this regard, it’s important to recognize that this person isn’t going to be able to provide you with the emotional support and care that are typically demonstrated by a significant other in a committed relationship, such as lending a shoulder to cry on, attending family events and/or spending a romantic evening out together. You and this person are on the same page about your FWB relationship.
You’re not looking for a committed relationship with this person.
And while it’s certainly possible for a FWB relationship to transition into something more over time, you’re likely heading for heartbreak if this is your goal from the outset. Understand that this person may be with other people.Or if this casual connection is preventing you from putting yourself out there and going after the kind of committed relationship you see for yourself in the long-term, your FWB connection is anything but beneficial.In a few days, I’m going to Cuba on vacation with a guy I’ve been sleeping with for eight years, but whom I've never once called my boyfriend.And sure, when he would get a girlfriend I would be a little bummed out—I’m (unfortunately) not a sociopath—but it didn’t cause me to spiral into an emotional cyclone the way I would have if I’d been cheated on by a boyfriend. We could spill our guts to each other because we didn’t have anything to lose.I told Malcolm about my previous relationships, my fantasies, my heartbreak.Some assume that one of the “buddies” is always being strung along, secretly hoping that the fucking leads to something more serious.